just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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