I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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