In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
birth control should be required to get into college
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Randomize
