Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
