did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
