so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Come see our sink grown plant.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Help me help you realize you are a moron
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
