and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
