shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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