Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
not ubering you a puppy
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