Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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