we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
