3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
