Yo dont text me then not text me
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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