K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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