I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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