Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
