Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
where are you?
Hypothermia
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Randomize
