Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
