I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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