Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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