I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
