so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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