That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
