No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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