sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
