I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
