You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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