I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
