Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize
