i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
We're not piercing ourselves today.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
