I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
