Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
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