The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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