There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Randomize
