You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
