I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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