Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
