You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
she told me i tasted like america
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
