I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
No stitches, just platelets and will power
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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