Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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