I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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