Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize
