First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
You're breaking my sexual little heart
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
