i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
