Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
