im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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