I can tuck mytits in my pants
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
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