somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Randomize
