that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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