Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
