So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
