i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
