i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
