I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
