I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Oh god it's open bar.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
