I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
